Creativity Sans Suffering

I am an artist.

I can act, dance, paint, design, and sew. I love art, architecture, the theater, ballet, music, and fashion; pretty much anything and everything that is so-called beautiful and “artsy”. I love it all. In fact, my career heavily depends upon my creativity; it literally fuels it.

As a true artist, I usually derive inspiration from my life; however, I no longer look upon sorrow, sadness, depression, angst, or a broken heart to create the artistry. The paradigm has shifted.

It is very common (if not a given) that if you are not suffering, you are not really living. Guess what?  THAT IS A LIE!

It is literally insane to go through life suffering and feeling angst about every little fucking thing so that you can feel that you have something going on besides the mundane life….because let’s face it: it can get pretty boring out there: the grind, the shallow conversations, the “same old” belief system. Now THAT is depressing!

Artists are particularly good at this: Suffering= art= inspiration= more suffering. Obviously, this doesn’t mean that I don’t experience things (yes, sometimes painful things); the difference is that now, I don’t see them as a chance to feel sorrow. I see it as an opportunity to go a greater, better, more joyful place. An opportunity to change and be who I feel to be, not who I’ve been told to be.

joy!

Is this la-la-land? No, this is my environment. People Unlimited provides that environment. Don’t you see? you can actually CHOOSE not to suffer and do something about it! But to do it alone? Ah, that’s the thing…people need people. I didn’t have people like this in my life before. You need to be with people that support you and boost you. It is a must. And it feels great.

Bernie and Jim are radical inspiration walking: they give you an opportunity to see the greater, better, more alive, unlimited version of you. The REAL version. So I made the decision and the moves (and no, it didn’t happen overnight, but who cares? IT HAPPENED!)  to not suffer for anyone, not even for myself.

I no longer worry about pleasing anyone, or feeling bad for every mistake I make, or taking on someone else’s misery as if it is mine. Am I cold? Just the opposite. I am compassionate and will give a sound and listen to whoever needs it, but I do not need to carry anyone’s burden; it is not mine to carry. I have to be free, that is my inspiration.

When Bernie talks about being free of motherhood, it resonates with me. I am not a mother…BUT I am a girlfriend, daughter, and friend. And really at the end of the day, it all comes to feeling guilt and misery that isn’t yours. My mother doesn’t need the depressed daughter; she needs my inspiration. My boyfriend doesn’t need the nagging female suffering for him; he needs my inspiration. My friends, co-workers, and everyone that is so special to me don’t need my negativity and suffering; they need my inspiration. INSPIRATION. Inspiration to say and feel “no matter what I’m going through, I am getting better…and so can you!”.

And I am, every day. I don’t wish for it; I move to feel that way.

JOY+INSPIRATION+CREATIVITY+PASSION= ART. Sans the suffering.

That is my new paradigm.

 

 

 

Femme without Female- Part II

(To read Part I, click HERE )

According to the Webster’s dictionary, this is their definition of FEMALE:

1fe·male

 adjective \ˈfē-ˌmāl\

: of or relating to the sex that can produce young or lay eggs

: characteristic of girls or women

: having members who are all girls or women

Interestedly enough, in our society, the definition of male and female focuses on the sexual organs, as if that is the only relating… but what about those pesky patterns and behaviors that supposedly go hand in hand with being a men or a woman? Isn’t that a little narrow minded also? As if that is it? 

restroom

Since I am a woman, I will speak from experience:

I grew up with a family that encouraged me to go to college and get an education so I could take care of myself, while at the same time they encouraged me to find a man that was well off so I’d be taken care of (but wait.. they just told me to go to college so I could be independent! What kind of advice is that???). Regardless of this advice, I always wanted to “take care of myself”, so I have since I can remember. I went to college, have a career and a business…. but that is not being free… because even if I am independent by society’s definition, somehow having a man makes me look better to the world.

And that is a sad view. A LIMITED view, a lonely view. And totally inaccurate.

Yes, I am with someone, but because I chose to be with him. We have fun, we laugh, we cry, we talk about everything. EVERYTHING. We are not the perfect couple, as some may assume… we just face whatever we need to face. There is no way that I would be this way if it wasn’t for People Unlimited. That is a fact. Why? because most people don’t encourage this. Being 100% real is not so popular, kind of like living. People rather live with death than do something about it.

So why? Why is it important to have this kind of support?

 Well, not because I am a weak person, or a bad person, or a dumb person; the fact is that we all grew up (including you, yes you!) with a belief system of how we are supposed to be, act, feel, taught by our parents. Cant blame them, they grew up with their parent’s belief systems and so on and so on and so on… it is a never ending chain reaction that doesn’t seem to get anywhere.

I am not a female, I moved on to something better. I found joy not behaving like one; it’s freedom for the body! I dress and look like one, but I chose not to behave like one. I was one; it got me nowhere. I didn’t like it. I didn’t feel good about myself. I no longer reject who I am, no matter what anyone thinks. FREEDOM!

It doesn’t matter what you look like: being jealous, needy, insecure, controlling, a shallow woman… it is all disgusting to me. That is how I feel. It’s a major turn-off. It doesn’t feel great, admit it!

Bernie once said “Be single. You can be with someone and still be single”. I love that statement. What a relief, to be able to enjoy someone and not feel like I have to drop everything to “keep” them. People are not objects. You cant keep anyone. It is sad to see women (and men) that stay in a relationship because they don’t believe that they can have what they want. That is a role  I am not interested in. I have my life, therefore  I can have whatever I desire. I trust that above all. So far, so good!

The only thing I am keeping is my life, my body. Walking free of the things and patterns that dont give my body joy or freedom is walking away from death and its belief system.

Do you dare?

 

CHEMISTRY- NOT JUST IN THE LAB

Last week, I was watching a documentary about healthy eating and lifestyle, and one of the researchers said that when we eat unhealthy foods, it creates a chemistry in the body- a bad one. Just the same, eating healthy and nourishing foods has a positive chemistry that you can physically account for.

This got me thinking about people: their moods, environment, interactions… ALL of these factors cause a chemistry. They affect us is many ways. I have had many “chemistry” moods of my own… depression, sadness, euphoria, love, and on and on… BUT it felt, again, like I was going with whatever feeling was going on around me.. being drifted away by people. Not really my own.

The beauty about People Unlimited is that is the kind of environment that causes a body electric reaction; a chemistry that the body can respond to and be nourished by. You see, food is not the only nourishment for the body: your environment, your thoughts, the people around you ALL cause a chemistry, whether you want to admit it or not: it is physical.

Before being in this community and listening to Bernie and Jim, my life consisted of 1000 negative thoughts and not a whole lot of inspiration.. in the middle of me being successful, I may add…It doesn’t matter how great your job is or your relationship or friends: it is too shallow.

1

All around us, there is a chemistry of death: “I’m getting old”,” I cant do this and that”, negative this, negative that… What do you think your body is responding to?? The chemistry it creates is not a propelling force of inspiration! No wonder people are depressed, sick, and medicated. No one is addressing the problem: death is a symptom of a toxic environment; a chain reaction of 1000 depleting interactions, moods, situations, and interactions.

Chemistry can be reacting to someone, playing the “roles” of female and male, giving to negativity, and destruction in all shapes and forms.

I, for one, choose to live in an environment where I truly feel JOY! How about you?

And no, it isn’t too good to be true. It is my reality and the reality of others. And it can be yours too.

 

 

Femme without Female- Part I

I am a woman, and I like being one. I like dressing up, putting makeup on, doing my hair, and all the so-called “girly” things that many of us woman do.

What I do not enjoy, however, is the chemistry, behavior and less than desirable traits that come with that (mostly learned, but nevertheless real): insecurities, jealousy, selfishness, control, and the destructive seduction that can seem so desirable, yet only feds your ego and makes you feel like shit afterwards. Use and abuse cycle that so many of us know so well.

Being with Bernie in this new life has done a lot for me. Not a lot, it has completely transformed me. Bernie is beautiful, stylish, fashionable, ageless..yet there’s no trace of these yucky traits described above in her demeanor. It’s quite incredible. What is also quite attractive about her it’s the truthfulness in her actions and words; she says what she means and means what she says. She is up front and honest, but never critical. She never puts you down; but she speaks the unspeakable.. the things you know about yourself that you don’t dare say out loud…. and really, if we all did this more often, we could become someone totally new and exciting! Now you tell me… HOW MANY WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE ARE 100% REAL AND CLEAR WITH YOU?

Why are we so afraid of being real? Why do we love being in denial?

And that’s what I have realized about the female… there are so many versions of it! We are raised to be caretakers, daughters, mothers, wives…but the problem is that these roles are very limited. You have no room to be someone fresh, new or exciting.. you start to think this is why you were born: get married, have babies, get old, and die. WTF!

Or… you have the other side of the coin: if you are not the submissive motherly type, you are the seductive insecure type that seeks that attention 24/7, hate other women (most of the time without even meeting or knowing them), want to control “your man” or “your woman” (did you purchase them? they’re not yours!) and are the overall definition of a bitch. The crazy thing about it is that people think this is normal… IT’S NOT! It may be the norm, but it’s a fucked up relating.

Because of People Unlimited, I have women in my life that adore and love who I am without any of these nasty traits. Is this a big deal? You betcha.

My whole life I’ve dealt with jealous women, friends dropping me for no reason, gossip, rumors, bullying, and overall “mean girl” behavior. I always wanted solid women in my life..and because of Bernie, and other women like me that have chosen to live and get out that ordinary way of life, I have found a freedom that never existed before in me. I have nothing to prove, no one to please, no one to compete with, and no one to be jealous of. We take for granted our own uniqueness. Being feminine and a female are not the same. I love being a woman, but I hate that bitch chemistry.

Being out of the norm for me is being who I really am and giving myself the space to change to become more and more someone so new that you have no time to settle for less.. with yourself or anyone else.

Women need to empower one another, not to suppress and put down each other! If you are a woman, this is an invitation to become and be with other people that love you for you. Nothing else. If you meet Bernie, you will get what I am saying. Trust me.

Out of The Norm

I am 31.

I am  charismatic,  smart and attractive. I have a college degree, live in a hip neighborhood, and have a good job. I also have a good looking boyfriend that is supportive, loving, and talented. I am sweet, funny and compassionate (yes, it’s all true).

Nonetheless, I don’t fit in. I never have. I don’t think I ever will.  And more than ever, I am so happy about that.

I don’t fit into the common world.

In May, I will turn 32. And yet, I feel timeless, better than ever. Alive.

As I look around my peer group, I realize how little I have in common with them, seeing my life and theirs…

  1. I don’t feel that “I’m getting old” because I’m in my 30s. That is a sad belief, and a wrong one I may add.
  2.   I am in a loving relationship, but I’m not married (nor do I want to be, why ruin the fun? I don’t need it to feel secure).
  3. I like kids, but I don’t want any (or maybe I do, but when I AM READY, not because my “clock is ticking”… I cant believe people still say that!).
  4. I do not dress “appropriately” or according to my age, whatever that means (nor do I look like a hobo- I’m actually quite fashionable! I just don’t fit on the realm of boring and repetitive).
  5. I don’t believe that your career equals success and success equals your career (that is way too much pressure, don’t you think?)
  6. I don’t have friends that are loving to my face and stab me on the back (that “high school lifestyle”, as I call it,  ended for me…in my 20s).
  7. I don’t believe in God (nor am I an atheist. I fulfilled that in me. As a former devout Catholic, I found it gave me no comfort or solace).
  8. I do not believe death is inevitable (yes, I said inevitable, contrary of the obvious outcome that has plagued society for centuries).

So… you can read this and wonder why I am the way I am, or why I feel this… “she’s a cynic”, “she’s a non-conformist”, “she’s weird” or maybe even “she’s full of herself”. Well, you don’t know me, so you can’t assume anything (Don’t you hate it when people judge you without knowing who you really are?). But I do have a different lifestyle, belief, point of view, emotion, and sense of living. I am physically immortal. And so are you, if you feel it in your gut. So really, all of the above are not exclusive to me; I chose a life with no limitation. Truth is, if none of the things above were real, I still would be good enough now to feel and live this way.

 But guess what? I wasn’t always like this!

I used to long for marriage, babies, the perfect career, acceptance (especially from the opposite sex) and even the afterlife. But somehow I felt like these longings were “borrowed”, not really my own wants or needs. It felt empty. I was miserable.

And then it changed.

I moved here in 1996 with my mom from Venezuela. I wanted live in the US ever since I was a child; I loved everything the “American Dream” offered. I never felt attached to my country; It’s a beautiful place, but I just couldn’t get attached to it.

My mother got involved with a community that believed in physical immortality; in essence, they believed the body does not have to die, if given the right environment. At that time, I was 7 years old (and I felt old, pretty mature for my age I’d say). I didn’t think anything of it, I was in Catholic school, prayed every night and day, got straight A’s, had a lot of friends, and I was the teacher’s pet. So you see, her new “lifestyle” seemed silly to me. I had my life all planned…or was it someone else’s plan?

So I followed her here. Blindly. My gut told me to go; I could’ve stayed with relatives, but I knew I had to go.

My teenage years were nothing short of a nightmare: didn’t speak the language, didn’t have much friends, didn’t fit. People were mean. Really mean. Those high school movies turned out to be real. Then in my 20′s, I still felt lost, no sense of a life or purpose. I spoke the language then, but couldn’t understand why I still felt like this. I could never “fit.

Despite it all, I was always very responsible, even in my torment. I worked full time as a cocktail server and bartender while going to college full time ; because I was not eligible for scholarships, I payed my way through college all by myself, all cash (I graduated with a 3.8 GPA, yay me!). I also had my own apartment, one too many boyfriends, went to parties, drank, this and that. You know, the typical 20 something college lifestyle.

So it’s not like I was a “privileged” kid, nor was I disabled or poor. Nor was I antisocial. I was the life of the party, but I was simply unhappy. I always asked myself: “is this it? is this all there is?!!!

At 25, my life took a turn.

I started getting sick a lot; that never happened to me before. My depression was escalating (along with my weight and my drinking). I ended up in the hospital. Many tests later, they found cysts that had burst in my stomach. I’ve never been so sick before. I was in and out for a month. That experience really shook me up. It was a wake-up call. I needed to change, even though I wasn’t sure how or what.

My mother, someone who I never listened to because I always felt “you don’t know me better than me”, sat me down and talked to me. For the first time, I heard her passion for me, for my life. Not her judging, or badgering, or pointing the finger: it was passion. And I couldn’t resist it.

I went with her to a People Unlimited event the summer of 2007; I remember feeling overwhelmed by the love of people in that room. I knew a lot of them throughout the years because of my mom’s involvement, but I just never felt that it was for me. Yet this people were so undeniably real and loving, I couldn’t resist. Again. I was so used to the shallowness that it actually made me uncomfortable.

When I heard Bernie and Jim express, I couldn’t understand what it all meant. “Living forever” just sounded too weird and crazy, but my body couldn’t stay away. And so I stayed, and as the time passed I got what they were talking about. It’s about getting rid of the limitations, the belief systems, the rejection. The fucking rejection of the body.

The body is beautiful. It’s meant to thrive, meant to live, meant to shine. It’s the right of every human being to feel the best they’ve ever felt… how can you say that is bad?

Dying doesn’t appeal to me. Being limited by age, race, sexual preference and beliefs are not appealing to me. Being lonely, depressed and sad is not appealing to me. The cult of death is not appealing to me. People should be able to be, love and feel whoever and whomever they want; it’s their right. And mine too.

Being with people that support me and love me and adore me appeals to me. Being that to others appeals to me. Being someone that can give someone else a chance to live and thrive is the best. It touches my soul. If this happened more often, people wouldn’t die in wars, and injustice wouldn’t thrive. Family is great, but treating everyone with love and compassion is better. It shouldn’t be exclusive. People Unlimited is not a group to me, is my life.

And the best part, it keeps getting better and better.